The Preview 'Party'

Whether or not to launch with a preview event on the eve before the grand opening is a hotly debated topic among AOH experts. The doubters seem to think that the result is DARN (drank all, revenue nil) but nonetheless we soldiered on with our plans.

New to mass marketing, the first thing I learned was that the psychologically vulnerable among my tribe were struck with existential anxiety as they became acutely aware that they were hideously unconnected to the rich and famous. I'm probably the worst offender. I do have contacts - honest - but for the most part they are academics who are afraid to venture out in case a display of cultural awareness will put them off their train of thought. Not so Heavenly and Butcher's Dog who arrived armed with bulging filofaxes and began to circulate my full-colour 'Preview Party' invitations.  

L-S Dave went out to buy what we assumed would be sufficient wine, beer and soft-drinks. Once the frantic last-minute staging was complete, we sat down and contemplated - me, the display, L-S Dave, his navel ... he calls this 'resting my eyes' - well deserved, say I, because he'd only just finished decorating the interior 'gallery style', a task akin to painting the Forth Bridge. Just as we were getting comfy, PMT turned up and informed us - take note, you would-be hosts - that 'Preview Party' means party food whereas 'Private View' merely involves elegantly sipping wine. Out with the recipe books that, to my shame, haven't seen light of day for many a year and back to the shops for L-S Dave. 

All available children were inducted into the art of making tasty morsels - and very good at it they were too (note to self, rope them in more often)! As our guests arrived, armed with additional supplies of wine (did they know something that I didn't?) and luxurious flowers - including a particularly stunning display from our sponsor at sixtyseven - the atmosphere started to buzz.

We love a party and, even if I do say it myself, this one turned out to be a roaring success. Effervescent played hostess and kept everybody topped up with wine (she's good like that) - thank heaven for PMT's advice regarding the food. L-S Dave was on top form overseeing the entire operation and my troupe and our guests behaved themselves impeccably. Well, there was one incident involving a local musician and some hot chick peas that I won't go into.

More importantly, considering the object of the exercise, we sold art ... and (I'm blushing now) one of my screenprints was first to go! Not sure how professional it is when a posse of artists lets out a rippling cheer as an exhibit is sold ... but hey-ho. It was then that L-S Dave realised that he didn't know quite how to record a sale - however, my delightful client was able to steer him through the process.

As the evening wore on it became apparent that a cluster of party go'ers had clamped themselves to the stash of wine in the kitchen (there's no art in the kitchen) and looked as if they might take root for the night. Some nifty tactics (invoking all departing artists to issue hale and hearty goodbyes in the direction of the kitchen) were necessary to save these die-hard supporters from themselves before they moved on to drink the nail varnish.

Even then, and I expect it was inevitable, one well-oiled guest called the next day to ask how much she owed for her purchases. 'I bought a green painting' said she, only to be informed it was a photo of a pot.